 Infamous "client no. 9" actually Princeton plasma physicist Lyman Spitzer
(Princeton,
NJ) Through an investigative snafu which remains as yet unexplained the
identity of the high profile patron of an expensive call-girl service,
formerly and apparently erroneously identified as New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, has been revealed to actually be eminent plasma physicist Dr. Lyman Spitzer.
“Our bad,” remarked a federal investigator who wished to remain anonymous.
Known
in the criminal affidavit only as "client no. 9," Dr Spitzer, the
visionary behind the current generation of space based astronomical
observatories and founding father of modern experimental plasma
physics, is documented as procuring the services of a "petite, pretty
brunette" for an unspecified Washington, D.C. rendezvous.
Governor Spitzer quickly responded to the unexpected news during an impromptu press gathering, stating, “This is exactly the
reason I have maintained my innocence through sufficiently generalized
apologies about nothing in particular,” adding, "I hereby retract my
resignation.” Mr. Spitzer then proceeded to
wipe nonexistent sweat from his brow and vocalized, with an exaggerated flick of his hand,
“Whew!"
It
is unclear how Dr. Spitzer,
a former Princeton University professor who died in 1997 and could not
be immediately reached for comment, actually participated in the
alleged illicit trysts considering his current state.
In
light of the new revelation, however, NASA has posthumously rescinded
the honor of
naming its latest infrared telescope, launched in August of 2003, after Dr.
Spitzer, choosing instead to rename it FIO (Favre Infrared Observatory)
in recognition of the recently retired Green Bay Packer gunslinger,
Brett Favre, who has for
years studied dusty stellar disk instabilities in the off-season.
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