 Medical Minute: "How do I pass the upcoming Government Health Care Death Panels?"
Despite their ominous title, Death Panels are nothing to get worked up over. Most people will pass their standards quite easily by following these simple guidelines.
(1) Always remain lucid and in control of vital bodily organs. This is especially important in the event you are incapacitated by a ravaging disease and/or massive, violent trauma.
(2) An apple a day.
(3) Brandish a large, semi-automatic sidearm. Ask panel's members, "Do you feel healthy today?"
(4) Answer the panel's questions in confusing Jeopardy-style format. (Example:"What are incontinence and dementia?")
(5) Name names. Rat out your elderly, house-bound neighbor lady.
(6) Disguise your wheezy death rasp as a youthful, childish Darth Vader impression.
(7) Move to Canada. Not for the health care but to die the way nature intended. Of exposure.
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