 Mother Nature to humanity:
“You're adopted.”
In
a stunning announcement late yesterday evening, Mother Nature, with
Father Time standing supportively along side her, told all
humans on planet Earth that “your mommy isn't really your
real mommy, honey.” Sources close to the fabled
couple acknowledged that the decision to tell humans of their adoptive state
was triggered in part by a weekend viewing of “An Inconvenient Truth” coupled with a long standing desire by
Father Time for all of us to “move out
already.”
Still reeling from
the news, people everywhere seemed torn between the desire to seek out
their actual matriarchically personified universal nurturer and the
love and familiarity for the only one they have ever known. Some people
expressed disbelief in Mother Nature's news and claimed Father Time
must have put her up to it since “that dick never liked us
any way.”
Some in the animal
kingdom, to which humans had previously, if awkwardly, belonged,
chastised Mother Nature's timing of the revelation.
“She totally should have told them like a millennium
ago,” said a marine mammal wishing to remain
anonymous. “I mean everyone knew. It was
so obvious. The walking. The incoherent 'speech.'
And that nose! My god! That nose! All the
great apes were laughing behind their backs. That is, when
they weren't being hunted for the bushmeat export market.”
To
humans who may be interested in searching out the truth, Mother Nature
said she was intentionally kept in the dark about all the details but
that Ol' Man Winter might be a good person with whom to
start.
|
Advertisement
| Advertisement
| | Advertisement
|
