 New York Philharmonic tours North Korea
The
following is a rush transcript of an interview with Senior Cultural
Correspondent Bryce Macombe on tour with the New York Philharmonic.
HHWT-News
Anchor, Walter Jefferies: And now we join Senior Cultural Correspondent
Bryce Macombe, whose been embedded with the New York Philharmonic on
their tour of Asia. Bryce, we understand you're reporting from
inside North Korea. It must be very exciting witnessing a major
cultural event inside such a secretive, isolated, and, at times, even
belligerent nation. Describe the atmosphere for us.
Senior
Cultural Correspondent, Bryce Macombe: [inside bus wearing gas mask, in
muffled voice] That's right Walter. Right now I'm reporting from
the touring bus on the way to Nampo, North Korea about sixty miles
south west of Pyongyang, where musicians of the New York Philharmonic
are to give a series of chamber music recitals today. At the
moment it's calm here but things can change in an instant when you're
deep inside enemy territory. And when that enemy is a member of
the axis-of-evil, you'd better be prepared. Just last night, for
example, me and the--
WJ: [interrupting over BM] Bryce?
BM: [not hearing WJ, continuing without pause] brave men and women of New York's Fightin' Philharmonic were ambushed by--
WJ: [shouting] Bryce!
BM: [stops, short silence] Yeah Walt?
WJ: Why are you wearing that gas mask?
BM: [after long silence, still muffled] WMD.
WJ: What?
BM: [shouting from inside mask] WMD!
WJ: WMD? I don't understand. What WMD?
BM:
That's what I was about to get into. As I was saying, me and the
brave men and women of the Fightin' Phil were at a post-concert
reception when we were ambushed by undercover PDRK special forces
posing as caterers. They attempted to poison us--
WJ: [interrupting over BM] Bryce.
BM:
[not hearing, continuing without pause] with some organic-based, noxious,
chemical-laced side-dish. Luckily few people were
exposed long enough--
WJ: [shouting] Bryce!
BM: [short pause] Yeah?
WJ: [exasperated] Take off that mask! We can barely understand a word you're saying!
BM: Oh, sorry. [sliding mask up onto top of head] It's just a precaution. That better?
WJ: Bryce, are you saying someone poisoned the New York Philharmonic last night? Is that what you're saying?
BM:
Tried to, Walt. But the foul smell tipped everyone off and nobody
tasted it, except the assistant concert master [in soft sing-songy
voice beside back of hand] who's Ko-re-an. Well... and Al, the tuba player. But he'll eat anything. Like, when we were
in Shanghai four days ago, and this dive had these deep-fried rats
which still had their--
WJ: [interrupting] Wai-wai-wait... Bryce, was it kimchi? Is that what was served?
BM:
That's affirmative, Walt. Right up there with mustard gas and
sarin in my experience. Stings the eyes, burns the mucus
membranes. We were lucky to come away with as few casualties as
we did. [looks side to side in paranoid manner, leans in, with
lower volume] Now, I've done some digging and it turns out that North
Korea is mass producing this stuff while at the same time apparently
building up a natural tolerance among its own population, who don't
seem as affected by it. This can only mean one thing Walt.
WJ: [sighs in resignation then drops head] What's that Bryce?
BM:
[looks around in paranoid manner then leans even closer toward camera,
whispers beside cupped hand] World do-mi-na-tion. [again looks
side-to-side]
WJ: [eyes closed, shaking head] Bryce.
Kimchi is a spicy Korean staple. An acquired taste, yes, but
hardly poisonous. They eat it in South Korea, too.
BM:
[hypothesizing extemporaneously] Then they must be teaming up again.
Kimchi, nukes, taekwondo... They'll be unstoppable.
WJ:
[confused] Teaming up again? What are you talking about? And didn't Ms Kim's
parents flee from the North to the South? Are you implying that
she's some kind of North Korean agent?
BM: [laughing nervously,
looking around in paranoid manner] Who? Me? Please!
I'd never suggest such a thing. Honestly. She's a-okay in
my book. She's cool. Really.
WJ:
[firmly] Alright, that's enough. What you're suggesting is
ludicrous. You're there to cover an unprecedented gesture of
cultural openness and instead you're fomenting distrust and paranoia
based on nothing more than a national side-dish. Don't you think
that's going a little overboard?
BM: [sheepishly with downcast
eyes, in tone of consideration] I suppose maybe you're right.
When you put it that way it does sound a little far fetched. Doesn't it?
WJ: It sure does.
BM: [coming completely around now] I mean, it's just fermented vegetables, right?
WJ:
[pleased with himself] Okay! That's more like it. Now can
you talk a little about the music-making? How is the philharmonic
being received?
BM: Oh! Well, Walt. Everywhere we stop the
crowds are cheering and waving. They can't get enough of... [face
twists up in disgust, starts to choke and cough, quickly pulls gas mask
back down over face]
WJ: [with quickly growing concern then panic] Bryce? Bryce?! Is everything okay? What's going on? Are you okay?! Bryce!!
BM:
[takes deep breath and quickly pulls mask up, with pinched, sour-looking
face and raspy voice] Fine Walt. The trombone section had a nakji bokkeum eating
contest last night and we've... um... been "under heavy fire" for the
last 20 miles. [quickly pulls mask back down over face, takes deep
breath, then pulls mask halfway up again] Bryce Macombe, signing
off.
WJ: [looking slightly sick himself] Well you heard it
folks. Life on tour with a cultural institution is not all, uh, glamor
and glitz so count your blessings. More at ten.
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