 Op-Ed Contributor: "This is the best hand-me-down T-shirt I've ever owned!"
My
god! This t-shirt is almost brand new! It seems like it has
never even been worn before, yet it is a hand-me-down from a rich older
brother. But more than that, it feels unlike any other t-shirt
I've ever possessed, hand-me-down or otherwise.
When I'm
wearing it I can hardly resist running my fingers over my own
torso. Perhaps this is due to the material out of which it is
made; a sensuously thick blend of cotton and some mysterious, exotic,
unknown fiber. Maybe from Europe, by way of the Orient...
A bustling, chaotic Persian bazaar. A ramshackled booth flanked
by rolls of cloth and baskets of spice and myrrh. A thousand and
one frenzied foreign tongues laying claim in chorus to your last
remaining rial. Pungent wisps of opium smoke pucker your nostrils
and lighten your brain. But you, a wealthy textile trader, must
keep your thoughts clear to have any hope of leaving this market with
the grail of your fabled quest: a bolt of the highest grade t-shirt
fabric the West will ever know. Unfortunately you'll need more
than your wits to escape with another prized possession: Your
life...
Well where ever its origin lay I'm sure glad it has found
its way into my dresser and onto my back. In fact this t-shirt
would never leave my body if I wasn't constantly
sweating like a team of yoked oxen in full pull.
Of course when
life seems like a pile of peaches you have to expect just as many
pits. Sad to say this otherwise remarkably luxurious t-shirt has
emblazoned across the entirety of its back a gaudy yellow bicycling
graphic while over the left breast sits a “Tour de France”
insignia. And I don't even own a bike, let alone race them!
Oh
well. I can still wear it under oxfords and sweaters and enjoy
the feel of the soft, expensive fabric against my skin. All for
free! Yes. This is definitely the best hand-me-down t-shirt
I've ever owned!
| Advertisement
| Advertisement
| | Advertisement
|
