Latest
Op-Ed Op-Ed: Queen Nefertiti was hot
Yes sir. Had I been an 18th Dynasty Egyptian
commoner I would have definitely considered hitting that
hard. Of course the threat of desert
banishment to roast under the punishing rays of Aten for the entire term of my natural life may have
curbed my lawless libidinous exploits somewhat. [FULL
ARTICLE]
|
 Op-Ed Contributor: "This is the best hand-me-down T-shirt I've ever owned!"
It feels unlike any other t-shirt
I've ever possessed, hand-me-down or otherwise. When I'm
wearing it I can hardly resist running my fingers over my own
torso. [FULL
ARTICLE]
|
 Op-Ed Contributor: "I've only got 90 seconds to disarm this ball-point pen bomb or - KA-BLAMMY! - My whole fifth-grade Social Studies class will be turned into bio-graffiti!"
I know it doesn't seem dangerous but this innocuous-looking writing implement
would put your head in geosynchronous orbit before your body hit the
ground. I guess that makes this
pen not just mightier than the sword but also mightier than the main
deck guns of the U.S.S. Nebraska. Heh-heh.
[FULL
ARTICLE]
|
 Op-Ed Contributor: "Damn you,
left-turners!"
I
do not believe the “theory” that left-turners are
born. Rather
I think it is a conscious life choice. In fact, I've even
seen
straight drivers transform into left-turners right before my very
bumper. Often with little or no warning.
[FULL
ARTICLE]
|
 Op-Ed
Contributor: “Pardon me, but how
am I
supposed to focus on playing this Haydn Symphony with your slender,
tightly jeaned thigh near the periphery of my field of view?”
You
obviously work out regularly but how do you suppose that fact
is going to help me concentrate on the perilously high and soft
entrances in the trio section? [FULL
ARTICLE]
|
 Op-Ed Contributor: "Someone who
enjoys walking just emailed you!"
She
has four photos! You should check them out!
Look
how much you have in common... [FULL
ARTICLE]
|
 Opinion:
Flotsam or
Jetsam?
Jet: "What's
going off the listing cruise ship first, the $50,000 Steinway or the
dirty linen cart?"
Flot: "If
a
freighter
dumps its cargo it's not finders-keepers. You think G.E. is
going to
write off 1,200 gourmet toaster ovens?" [FULL
ARTICLE]
|  Op-Ed
Contributor: "I get less action than a leopard slug."
It's
amazing I got through
sophomore geometry, actively wondering, as I constantly was, whether
Stacie Sorenson's complete obliviousness to my existence was, in
actuality, an understated invitation to touch her supple, creamy, freckled, cheerleader
thighs. [FULL
ARTICLE]
| | Op-Ed Archive |
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