 Recipe Riffs
Improvised classic
recipes with a college slacker
Perfectly Edible Pancakes
-1
Cup flour
-1 Tbsp sugar
-1 tsp baking powder
-1
tsp baking soda
-1 tsp salt
-1 Cup water
Put
some sort of pan on the stove and turn on the heat to some level,
probably medium. Mix all the ingredients together in a
bowl... Oh crap. Make sure the bowl is big
enough. If not, switch to a bigger one or cut the ingredients
in half unless you've already added all of them, then go ahead and
switch to a bigger bowl. Mix it good to get the water all
absorbed... Shoot. You'll want to go ahead and add
more than one cup of water, or just switch to making
biscuits... No that might not work so go ahead and add more
water. Two cups should be about... Aw man. You're gonna wanna
get that flour out again to thicken the batter some. Don't
worry about adding more of the other stuff. They're probably just trace
ingredients anyway. Hey, maybe put some vanilla in for good measu...
Shit! Not that much! No, no. It's okay.
Vanilla is all natural anyway... Damn. Unless you've got the cheaper
artificial extract of course. Well the thickness should seem
pretty good now so let's start cooking.
Pour
some batter in to the heated pan in a nice round shape. Wait for one
side to get nice and brown. Be patient and wait for bubbles
to form in the batter. Keep waiting for those bubbles. Keep
waiting. Waiting! The fucking bubbles should be...
Crap. Make sure you turned on the burner that your pan's
on. It's okay if not. Just move the pan to the hot
burner and wait for the bubbles again. Keep
waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Waiting. Ahhhh. There we go. Okay when
you see some bubbles flip it over with... Ugh. Well don't use
a fork, that's for sure. How about a couple
knives?... Shoot. Better to
wait a little longer than you think before flipping... Oh
god. Also better to spray the pan with some non-stick stuff
before everything else. It's okay though, just switch to a
new clean pan and start all over. After all, you've got
plenty of extra batter... Hmmm... Don't have
another pan? I think a cookie sheet should work
nicely. And start that first pan soaking in the sink while
your at it. That'll save you time on the cleanup.
Okay
so spray the new “pan” good and long to keep things
from sticking. Put it on the hot burner and pour in some more
batter... Whoa! Try to keep the pancake smaller than the
plate you're going to use if you can... Well I guess you
could just fold it in half. Once those bubbles start to show
then wait a little longer and flip with the knives... Aw
man. Best to do the flipping over the sink... And
remember: Pancakes don't have to be round to be
delicious... Whoa! Remember not to wipe any stray
batter off the burner while it's hot. At least not with a
paper towel... or even an oven mitt apparently... Just
relax. It'll burn itself out.
Okay, so once
it's flipped wait for the other side to get done... !!! Which
should take about the same amount of time as removing the batteries
from the smoke detector so go ahead and do that while you're
free. You'll probably be able to think more clearly without
all that noise... Yep. That's better.
Okay the b-side of that pancake is probably done so get your knives,
move the “pan” to the sink and... Shit!
Well, it is important to remember that dish water is probably pretty
clean from all the dish soap and everything. So, just a few
more minutes back in the pan on the burner should dry that pancake out
some. Okay. Now go ahead and put that pancake on a
pla... Aw man. Okay. Black side down is
the best way to serve this meal. Out of sight, out of taste I
always say. Now just repeat until you've used up
all your batter... or all your oven mitts. Which ever happens
first! Bone appetite!
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