 Super Bowl coverage by David Attenborough
The following is a transcript of a story from guest contributor, famous British naturalist and documentarian David Attenborough.
[Video of David Attenborough from waist up addressing camera in front of desert horizon and sky]
David
Attenborough: I'm standing in the harsh desert of central Arizona where
the days are witheringly hot and arid and the nights bitterly
cold. You might be wondering, quite understandably, whether
any organism could possibly survive in such a desolate
environment. Yet one remarkable animal not only survives here, it
thrives. And it is this unforgiving crucible [gesturing to
surrounding landscape] in which a complex yet brutal struggle going
back many generations is about to unfold. A competition of will
and stamina that allows only the fittest to prevail. [As camera
pans down to reveal green field filled with players in the distance
below, DA, revealed to have been standing on the uppermost edge of the
stadium's wall, crouches back into frame while looking over his
shoulder at players on field and then turns head back to address
camera] It is, of course, the most important athletic contest in
American football, [dramatic pause] the Super Bowl. [Looks back over
shoulder at field and players in the distance]
[Cut to slow-motion video of Randy Moss catching deep ball over heroic symphonic soundtrack]
DA:
[now at field level, partially hiding behind a giant orange Gatorade
cooler cart, addresses camera in a whisper while action continues in
background] These two rival groups are meeting to exhibit belligerent
displays of strength and virility which may last several hours and
require highly complex levels of social coordination. Each group
vigorously defends its territory from unwelcome intruders while
attempting to snatch parcels of its rival group's territory for
itself.
[Cut to slow-motion video of fumble and ensuing scrum for ball]
DA:
[still behind Gaterade cart] In the beguiling contest the possession of
a talisman of sorts, consisting of the hide of some domesticated cousin
of the European wild boar, is, at times, violently disputed and, at
other times, quite willingly given up. [Errant pass lands on table,
knocks over dozens of filled cups narrowly missing DA, who instictively
hunches his shoulders around his ears in reaction but otherwise doesn't
miss a beat] The disputes often arrive in the form of full-speed
collisions between opposing individuals. [Turns back toward action,
peeking from behind Gatorade cart]
[Cut to clip reel of normal speed video/audio of Tom Brady getting repeatedly sacked.]
DA
[voice over]: Such brutal altercations would surely be injurous and
perhaps even deadly if not for a remarkable adaptation singular in the
primate family: [dramatic pause] an exo-skeleton. Articulated
padded plates distributed over the torso and thighs blunt blows to the
body; a hard skull-casing and facial grill protects the brain while
providing a formidable offensive weapon indeed;
[Cut to slow-motion video/normal speed audio snippet of linemen colliding and grappling]
DA
[voice over, cont.]: And stiff spikes extending from the soles of the
feet penetrate the lush turf improving both traction, for territorial
shoving matches,
[Cut to slow-motion video snippet of Eli Manning's crucial fourth quarter scramble]
DA [voice over, cont.]: and maneuverability, for high speed evasion and chase.
[Cut to normal speed video of sidelines]
DA
[voice over]: Brilliant displays of color covering these suits of armor
indicate both, to which group an individual belongs, as well as their
roll within that group. Unlike in some other species, however, it
is not an indication of gender. For that, there is no need since
it is only the males which actively participate in the contest, whilest
the females,
[Cut to normal speed video/audio of cheerleaders]
DA
[voice over, cont.]: similarily colored but lacking the protective
adaptations of the males, look on from the competition's edges,
utilizing loud calls and tufts of plummage at the ends of their limbs
to urge on their particular group's males in vociferous and, at times,
somewhat sexualized displays.
DA: [still hiding behind
Gatorade cooler, whispering] In the end, it is not clear just what
spoils the victorious group claims. Perhaps [gesturing toward the
field] an enlarged territorial hunting title or [gesturing in the other
direction toward cheerleaders] mating rights over the losing group's
females, as is the case in other mammilian conflicts. Whatever
they are, these rewards must surely be reproductively advantageous to
account for such a vast investment of resources in, what outwardly
seems, a tremendously wasteful endeavor indeed. [Turns back
toward field to continue watching action]
[Cut to credit roll over slow-motion video of Giants' victory pile and reprise of heroic symphonic soundtrack]
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